After watching hundreds of rom-coms, I thought I knew everything about sex. It was pretty clear what was going to happen. We were going to make out, rip each other’s clothes off, and probably do it up against the wall, all while some mood music was playing in the background. When it actually happened, it was anything but. I mean yeah, it was great, but it definitely hit me that unless you’re getting it on while you’re surrounded by a film crew, it’s not going to be like it is in the movies. And that’s not a bad thing.
Awkward Moments: The thing that is by far the most different from the flawless, choreographed sex scenes in movies is that sex scenes in real life are anything but flawless and choreographed. Maybe the wall thing doesn’t work out as gracefully as you think it will, and that break mid-passion to grab a condom? Well, that definitely doesn’t happen in movies. They’re not like, “Oh, just a sec. Let me take a couple seconds to try to get this thing to stay on.” Obviously all of the characters aren’t too concerned about getting preggers.
The funny thing about those little awkward moments is that they’re the things that make the experience that much better and bring the couple so much closer together. Having a good laugh about something that doesn’t go exactly as planned makes it so much more fun and enjoyable.
Mutual Orgasms: You’ve seen all of the movies (seriously, all of them) where the couple involved lets out their sigh of pure orgasmic bliss at exactly the same time. If you’re a real person that has ever had real person sex, you’d know that this doesn’t always happen. It’s great when it does, but to the extent that it happens in movies? I don’t think so. We real folk have neighbors that probably wouldn’t appreciate shrieks of pleasure coming through the walls at all hours of the day.
Messiness: After the deed is done in the movies, they just lay there cuddling each other and fall asleep. We could use a nice snooze in real life too, but there’s such a thing as semen and urinary tract infections that we have to deal with first. Sometimes accidents happen, which sometimes creates a mess to clean up. Also, if you want to avoid drinking cranberry juice for the next month, you’re probably going to want to take a nice, long pee after you get it in to avoid those oh-so-fun infections.
Even with the awkward “oops, I stuck it in the wrong hole” sex position fails and having to save up extra quarters to wash the sheets an extra couple times a week, sex is awesome. When you’re having sex with someone you can laugh with, it’s even better. Although sex isn’t always like it is in the movies (curse you, Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling), it will always be full of surprises.
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