Unless you have been living under a rock for the past couple of months, you have heard of the book “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Everybody and their mother (literally) are reading this book. I’ll give you a brief breakdown of the erotic novel just in case you have indeed been missing out on all the coverage.

Innocent girl meets sadomasochistic boy. Girl and boy have sex. SO MUCH SEX. Other stuff happens too, but let’s be honest–people aren’t buying this book for the plot. Much of the sex had in the book is in the realms of BDSM (bondage dominance sadism masochism) and may be a tad extreme for some tastes, but there are plenty of ways to spice up your bedroom activities with some inspiration from Fifty Shades.

Use a blindfold. One thing that you can take directly from the novel is some good old-fashioned blindfolding action. Blindfolding your partner can give you a sense of control and can give them a sexy thrill. To really take a cue from the book, use a tie as the blindfold.

Use nicknames. A lot of what makes this book so appealing to its readers is the dominance that Christian Grey has over Anastasia Steele. You can easily replicate that with some light role playing where you use titles like Sir, Mr., or Professor.

Punish him. Spanking plays a big part in the book as well. Try using spanking as a light “punishment” for when you (or your partner) forget to use the titles you picked out (see last tip). Feel free to forget as often as you would like.

Be confident. If you are the one in control for the night, remember less is more. Confidence is key when it comes to this. It’s much sexier to assertively whisper “you’re mine tonight and you’re going to do whatever I want” than to try to cover up nervousness by being overly dramatic and yelling something ridiculous like “lick my boots and be my bitch!” The latter will probably result in your partner cracking up because 1.) that is super awkward to yell at someone and 2.) he’ll be completely creeped out and not in the least bit turned on. But then again, to each his own.

Bottom line? As long as you’re confident and comfortable, it will be easy and fun to take the lead. Just try to leave the soulless dominatrix act to the porn stars. Some things don’t translate well into real life, and that’s one of them. Remember not to take it too seriously! Sex should be fun, so don’t stress yourself out trying to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. Talk to your partner beforehand to make sure that you’re both on the same page. If you randomly bring out a whip and start waving it around in the air, you might freak him out.

You might be surprised at what each of you would like to try, and being open and honest in this area will help your relationship. Experiment, try new things, have fun, and try not to call your guy Christian or Mr. Grey. That one could be a bit difficult to explain.