I am notorious these days for thinking my mother is always right. Perhaps this is what happens when you graduate, mature and start acting like an adult. Don’t get me wrong, I am not the perfect and obedient daughter that statement might portray. My mother and I spent most of my teenage years yelling and slamming doors. She was pushy, strict, and demanded nothing short of my best effort, and like all fourteen-year-old girls, I resented her love. I believed that I was right and she just wanted me to be unhappy. I disagreed with her old fashioned rules and strict curfew. Her rules were borderline ancient compared to what my friends were allowed! I was suspicious she wanted me to remain her little girl forever and deprive me the luxury of becoming an adult.
Now, at age 23, I realize this was far from the truth.
My mother’s rules infuriated me as a teenager, but now as I sit back and examine where I am today and what I have accomplished, I understand now that her rules protected me. They shaped me into the person I am today and her old fashioned rules helped me reach a place I am now: happily in love.
I am not a relationship therapist. I do not have a degree in psychology, have not studied human development or possess a certificate to prescribe you medication. But I do have experience in dating and had my fair share of tears and heartbreaks. However, I now recognize that my mother’s lessons growing up carried over with me as an adult. I still feel a little guilty for calling my boyfriend even years later, because she wouldn’t allow it when I was younger. I’ve realized over the years of bad breakups and disappointments that my mother’s rules were meant to protect me. She had an old fashioned approach to everything that many might consider out of date, but hear me when I say, “they work!”
My boyfriend once told me he loves me because of not only who I am, but how I act. This struck me as an odd statement at first, but then I realized he, in fact, saw me as a lady, which is exactly what me mother wanted. Being a Southern woman, she demanded I act with grace and composure at all times. “This,” she said, “will make a man respect you.” Isn’t that the most important thing to ask of man?
Like everyone, I do not have a perfect relationship, but I consider myself blessed everyday to have a man who’s dependable and always encourages me to be myself. I think of my mother at times like this knowing my happiness is thanks to her and The Rules. I want to share her ideas with our Love Twenty readers and encourage you to look towards the old fashioned rules. When things aren’t going well with your guy, don’t slice his tires or flirt with his roommate. Revert back to the old rules. Women have used them for decades because they work. Because isn’t it natural to look towards the past, when things aren’t so great in our present?
The Ten Commandments
Rule 1. Let him call you first. If he’s not calling you, it’s because he doesn’t want to talk to you, plain and simple.
Rule 2. Never accept a date the same day. You must appear like you’re busy and he has to fit into your schedule, not the other way around. Guys like a challenge!
Rule 3. Don’t date the guy who’s been around your group of friends. Girls are competitive and this always turns into a competition.
Rule 4. Never bad mouth another girl in front of him. This makes you appear insecure and a man wants a confident woman.
Rule 5. It’s OK to be friends first. This relationship can build a good foundation for a romantic one because you know each other in different aspects other than as a couple.
Rule 6. Consider the little things. Does he open the door for you and tip well? This shows signs that he is considerate and therefore will be of you.
Rule 7. Time management. If you tell him to be at your place by 7:00 p.m. and you walk down the stairs at 7:45, he will have visions of his life at 40 waiting for you on the couch every night–not ideal for him.
Rule 8. He should pick you up. It’s a guys job, if he argues with you about this subject, he doesn’t have manners and is lazy.
Rule 9. Never raise you voice before you’re in a committed relationship with him. It’s a sign of weakness and if you speak calmly in an argument, he will be more inclined to listen. They are caught off guard when they realize they actually listen to you, therefore resulting in respect for you.
Rule 10. Be yourself. guys pick up on girls pretending to be something they’re not fairly quickly. Be the cool and relaxed girl and he will feel more comfortable to approach you.
Do you live by old fashioned rules or are you all about feminism and doing things your way?