If you ever find yourself worried about your new guy and his ex-girlfriend from not-so-long-ago: you’re not crazy. You may have reasons to raise your eyebrow if she’s fairly prevalent in his life in some capacity. Whether you catch him sneakily Facebook chatting her, helping her move into her dorm room or you frequently listen to him voluntarily talk about her, it’s clear that he may not be able to let her go.
He’s says he’s trying to move on, but when you’re his new girl and the ex is around and he clearly isn’t doing anything to distance himself from her, it might be better to end whatever you have with him. Why? Because not only will you worry about your guy, you’ll also obsess over his ex.
It’s hard to compete with someone whose already booked an extended stay in his heart, so it’s better to just leave while you have the chance. Don’t waste time vying for his affections when you feel he’s not over her. You may be the better option, and he may know that, but he can’t help how he feels.
Here are some ex-scenarios that proves he hasn’t emotionally moved on just yet.
He still sees her regularly: This seems like an obvious red flag, but you’d be surprised how well a guy can spin this to try to make it seem like a fair thing to do. He says she is going through a lot right now and he can’t bring himself to totally ignore her – even making you feel bad for her! Or he claims that he is just trying to keep the peace, or plays the “just friends” card. The truth is, if he’s still willing to see her, then he wants to see her.
He tries to conceal their correspondence: No, don’t read through his texts and search his Internet history. But when you walk up to him while he’s on the computer and you quickly see her name in a Facebook chat that he instantly clicks out of, you know he’s doing something shady. Or maybe he is going through his messages in front of you and you see her as one of his most recent contacts. Anything that seems sneaky and fishy is sneaky and fishy.
He stands up for her: He gets defensive when you speak about her. You may say that you’re not wild about her being around, or you repeat something he even said about her before – but he changes his tune and stands up for her. He acts this way because she is still special to him.
He talks about her to you: She doesn’t even have to be in his life anymore for this to happen. He’s not over her if he is talking about her. It’s almost like he’s telling you about her as a coping mechanism for him to get over her. He’s literally talking about his feelings – but that doesn’t work when he should be having feelings for you!
He wants you and her: He can’t decide if he’s ready to let her go. At the same time, he doesn’t want to break it off with you for fear that he may lose a great girl…or that he will end up alone. He’s covering his bases. You should never be somebody’s option, so take note when he still hasn’t solved that ex problem.
The bottom line: if the ex is still around, that’s an issue. However, this doesn’t just grant you authority to be jealous and ask too many questions to every guy you meet. These are just warning signs to watch out for. Yes, two people who previously dated can be friends only after time has passed and only when you, the new girl, are the priority. But if anything seems off, it is – and that’s when you should call it off.
Think differently about exes? Let me know in the comment section below!
Julia is a junior journalism major striving for a career in the magazine industry. She loves travel, food, entertainment, and enjoying all that life has to offer.
Julia Corbett has 5 post(s) on Love Twenty